aldersprig: (DragonBaby)
[personal profile] aldersprig
After this story, part one of three as part of a fixtion exchange with [livejournal.com profile] rix_scaedu

"Spotted Team A." Azdemkious hissed to Kelkathian. "Have you seen either of the others yet?"

"No, but after what we did to Team C's car yesterday, they're probably still crying." Kel grinned, showing a mouthful of sharp teeth.

Az shuddered appreciatively. "Later. Not with a small one around." He tapped the purple notebook that was Juniper's pride and joy pointedly. "We're on duty now."

"Duty, duty, schmooty, you're no fun when you're working, Azdemkious."

"That's the point, Kelkathian. You'll have your fun later." Az slithered down to the lower pocket and peered out the ID slot. "All right. Team A is coming up on the left now. The harpies...?"

"Not in position yet. You're going to have to deal with this one yourself."

"Got it. Guard the fort." Az kissed the two tiny grappling hooks, then tossed them at the car's back window. If the timing was right... yes, there it went. Az swung into the back seat and clambered silently towards the front.

Team A consisted, today, or two tall humans, a male and a female, both of them dressed in what looked like Normal Everyday Human Clothing, if you ignored the radios plugged into their ears and the weapons on their hips. Az wasn't ignoring those. Az was there to make those stop.

One thing the gremlins had learned and relearned about races that made technology was that the more of it an individual carried or surrounded themselves with, the more helpless they were without it. These ones, these human sorts, they seemed to hardly breathe without checking their cell phones, and every time Juniper deviated from her route - which, being a child, she did with some frequency - they mapped it on their little mapping doohickey.

There wasn't time for a subtle approach. They were going to make the grab, and the harpies were nowhere to be seen. Azdemkious hoped there weren't any friendlies too close to the car and, eyes closed, let off a gremlin EMP.


next: http://aldersprig.dreamwidth.org/298803.html

Date: 2012-03-11 02:36 pm (UTC)
inventrix: (scribbling)
From: [personal profile] inventrix
"Azdekious closed az's eyes"

That is super awkward. >.> My guess is you're trying to avoid gendered pronouns? Can you use "its"? Or maybe "Azdekious hoped there weren't any friendlies too close to the car and, eyes closed, let off a gremlin EMP." or something along those lines?

/unsolicited advice

Date: 2012-03-11 06:14 pm (UTC)
inventrix: (tea)
From: [personal profile] inventrix
No problem! :D

(The trouble with other species languages doing other methods, I've found, is that they almost never translate well to English. It is unfortunate but c'est la vie~)

Also I like how you're using the technology-gremlins idea for this, a lot.

Date: 2012-03-11 06:39 pm (UTC)
anke: (Default)
From: [personal profile] anke
I thought the bit that it was the first two letters of the name made it more confusing than if it had been just another combination of letters, so, I agree that the new version works better.

I really like the snippet, though I worry for Juniper.

Date: 2012-03-12 03:24 am (UTC)
clare_dragonfly: woman with green feathery wings, text: stories last longer: but only by becoming only stories (Knitting: old school)
From: [personal profile] clare_dragonfly
Gremlins are pretty awesome. What is a gremlin EMP?! I'm picturing some, er, natural excretions...

In the beginning, when Az says "got team A," does that mean zie sees them? I thought it meant zie had hurt or captured them or something, but then they're there again.

Typo: "or two tall"
"dohicky" I've always seen it spelled "doohickey." Firefox likes that version better.

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