Hey, look, a boundary, eep edition

[aldersprig]

I'm going to put this behind a cut because it's coming off a bit cranky. Read at your own risk.

I don't do well with setting boundaries; I don't do well with enforcing them.

I do really well with learning other people's and trying to respect that (Wyst says I am too good at trying to respect other people's boundaries, actually), and I tend to expect other people will do the same for me, which would be a lot more reasonable if I was more clear on those boundaries, yes.

But I'm beginning to at least learn where they are. Generally by realizing when I'm really, really angry and stopping to take a look.

Here's some new ones.

This one's a deal-breaker, too:

• Do not presume that my mental health should occur on your agenda.
  To start with, assuming that I'm not working on something because you don't see change is pretty arrogant. To continue - I work on fixing things based on my mental comfort, my life, my marriage, my friendships, and my job, in about that order. So, you know, I might have something taking my energy that isn't the brainweasel you think I ought to evict today.
  
  (Side note: Please see other boundaries, especially the one regarding "should," this one)
  
  
• Please don't tell me how I should be feeling. It's silencing (I learned this phrase recently, and it startles me how much it fits.) It's just... just don't do it, okay?
  
  
• This one isn't a boundary as much as it's a tip: If you want to know how I'm feeling (emotions), ask. I won't lie to you if asked directly.
  

It feels like there ought to be more, but that's what I've got so far today

Comments

[clare_dragonfly]

It's good to find where your boundaries are. ::hugs::

[aldersprig]

*hugs* it feels weirrrrrd *Whine*

[lynnoconnacht]

*offers hugs* What Clare said. Finding where your boundaries are is good. And silencing is... it's a very apt phrase. Thank you for reminding me of it. I'd heard it before and forgot it, but (at least in my experience) it really does fit the situation you're describing exceedingly well. *sends good thoughts*

[aldersprig]

*accepts hugs and shares them* thank you.

[kay_brooke]

As for finding your boundaries, this seems like a good start. I'm sorry you have people in your life for whom these need to be spelled out, because it just seems like a request for basic respect to me.

[aldersprig]

I don't mind spelling my boundaries out; I know they're not everyone's. And it's an interesting exercise to delineate them as they come up.

[smw]

I feel as if our interactions have been mostly over writing, but nonetheless, I appreciate knowing this about you. Really, it's good to be made consciously aware of these rules, as they strike me as best followed when interacting with anyone.

[aldersprig]

Thank you! That really helps to hear.

Sometimes I'm afraid when I list boundaries that people will say "geez, she's so demanding."

[smw]

I rather think I would lose respect for a person who told me my boundaries are too demanding. I understand the fear, though. That would be a hella complex situation emotionally.

[aldersprig]

I have had, as several people have told me, pretty awful taste in friends. This led to a lot of people that thought that boundaries were something they got to have.