Communication and self-analysis

[aldersprig]

I've been looking at my self a lot in the last few days.

One thing I've noticed, when I look at it from the outside, it that I take it as normal to ask for permission to speak.

That is to say: socially, I'll stand near a conversation until I'm invited in. Online, I'll make an opening statement and wait for someone to express an interest.

I didn't even think about this for a while. It seemed normal. I can back it up to its origins - family, high school Butting into conversations got one mocked. I do not like being mocked.

(I don't even really like being teased. I don't have a very clear line between those two things)

But what I don't know is if I'm old and missed the boat on online etiquette, if I'm broken and this was never normal anywhere, or if I just end up talking to people who read a different playbook than I did. This habit serves me well in meat-space. I'm just not sure about it either for my mental well-being overall, or about its efficacy in digital space.

Comments

[lynnoconnacht]

It sounds pretty normal to me? But you probably don't want to take me as an example of the average person. *ducks head* I just... wanted to let you know I can relate to this post.

[aldersprig]

Relating makes me feel less alone. Thank you.

[lynnoconnacht]

<3 That's what I was hoping my comment would help with. Conversations are hard.

[rix_scaedu]

I'm the one who was used to being spoken over the top of.

[aldersprig]

I really hate that. Loads.

[rix_scaedu]

It was just the way things were *shrugs*

[aldersprig]

*hugs*

Hmm...

[ysabetwordsmith]

Most people don't ask permission anymore. Some women still do.

I learned, at an early age, that I could either break the rules or be ignored in school. I watched the boys play verbal football and the girls be silent.

And I said, fuck that, and learned to play verbal hockey.

I spend more time trying to remember not to trample people I actually like.

[jolantru]

I raise my hand, if I want to speak up, in real life.

[aldersprig]

I've been known to do that, too, if I keep getting talked over.

[smw]

Social etiquette – online and off – baffles me, and I seem to have stalled out socially in a lot of ways. Which is to say, you have my sympathy, but I can't offer answers.

[aldersprig]

Helps to know I'm not the only one baffled, though. Thank you.

[ranunculus]

It's intersting. I would never have thought you were particularly, um, timid judging from your online persona. You seem assertive and focused on your interests. I wonder if you could take that sense of comfort and use it to project more self confidence in person?

There is one absolutely surfire way to get people to like you though, and be happy to have you join the conversation. It is very socially acceptable and Ask sympathetic questions about THEM. What do -they- think about a subject, how do they feel about x, y or z. Listen and listen and listen. Try and remember at least a little of it, so next time you can ask about that problem with x,y or z, and get them talking again. You would be surprised what you learn. Almost everyone really likes to think that another person is interested in them. This works online as well...

[amanda_sheree]

I'm very socially awkward and timid offline, and sometimes I'm a bit shy online, too. A large part of it depends on how well I know to whom I'm talking, though.

So, I can relate. :3

Edit: Actually, over the past few years, I've become much more assertive. I'm still shy and awkward, but I've made some progress. :)