Second Verse, Same as the first (help Wanted, Outlining)

[aldersprig]

I am going to, for nano, rewrite Addergoole Book One.

Yeah. That. Re-write, from scratch, keeping just the framework.

I want to have a coherent outline going in.

How you can help: Noteworthy moments from the original that you would like to hold on to, fond moments, anything you think should go into the outline.

Thanks!

Comments

[clare_dragonfly]

Hmm. The most memorable moment for me is the one where Emrys is all "you shouldn't dress like that here, it sends the wrong message" to Shahin and then grabs her by the collar and kisses her. The problem with that is, if he really thought she was Kept due to her clothing, he definitely wouldn't kiss her... so his warning doesn't make sense.

But I still really like that bit :D

It would also be great if you could make it a little clearer that Kailani does Change (IIRC, she did during the year but didn't notice it?) so we're not always waiting for it to happen.

Can't think of anything else specific, but I'm definitely looking forward to reading the new version.

[aldersprig]

I really like that bit, too.

Kai Changed before the year ever started - but yeah, that should show up at some point.

[inventrix]

*devil's advocate* If he really thought she was Kept, he wouldn't have been warning her not to dress like that at all.

[clare_dragonfly]

That is true! I mean, I know he didn't actually think she was Kept, but it seemed like he was warning her that other people would think she was Kept... which is probably a good thing in many cases, not something to warn her about.