But the premise shows a LOT of promise. One major flaw, possibly only a typo, threw me entirely out of the flow of the story. "in spaces where that was improbably"-In spaces where that was IMPROBABLE. Unlikely to happen. Yeah, possibly just a typo, but it was jarring enough that I completely lost the disbelief for a new realm with new rules and new cultures.
Also, your [bracketed things] are HUGELY distracting. A potential solution for the PROCTOR title, though-- that's the formal name, used by the common society. When she gets INTO the day-to-day school life, though, the new term, something meant to be both funny and wry would be picked up. She wouldn't be expected to know it because she's not yet an "insider", and her parents wouldn't have told her because learning the "insider lingo" is part and parcel of schooling.
Truth in advertising? I did the same BLINKIN' THING with "Spark of Truth"-- I left in a city reference I'd decided to take out, to allow for "separate" universes should I choose.
FACEPALM, too.
And darn, cause I was having fun thinking up terms for the Proctors. Frex, if they're older students, not graduating-- "Granny" or "Gramps".
Nah, I just forgot I'd moved my edits to another file <.< Of course, I had to go fill in the House Name - it had been up for auction, but nobody bought it!!
Edited to add: There are almost always typos. Even after I read it twice and have someone beta it. It's my curse. <.
Oh, good. I started reading this before you posted those fixes. Much beta now (BPPPTTTT!). Still:
•and made her escape. [...¶...¶...¶...] Her mother... > When did she rejoin her parents, or they catch up with her?
•Engineer Dairnikkindo-Biem[1] > The footnote links to file:///C:/Users/mcolbeth/Downloads/Edally%20Academy.rtf#_ftn1, which of course doesn't work from the Web. Likewise for all the others.
And none of the changes have propagated to LiveJournal. (And, bizarrely, the link from LJ back to this post is just the URL, without a link!)
And, oddly enough, I don't see here a link to LJ. That may be just your settings. Me, I mostly post onto DW, set to crosspost to LJ, and the otherblog link shows up on both.
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timeasmymeasure
A little rough around the edges
Date: 2014-06-11 08:09 pm (UTC)Also, your [bracketed things] are HUGELY distracting. A potential solution for the PROCTOR title, though-- that's the formal name, used by the common society. When she gets INTO the day-to-day school life, though, the new term, something meant to be both funny and wry would be picked up. She wouldn't be expected to know it because she's not yet an "insider", and her parents wouldn't have told her because learning the "insider lingo" is part and parcel of schooling.
I do want to see more of this, much more.
Re: A little rough around the edges
Date: 2014-06-11 08:12 pm (UTC)Edited to add: I had pulled the file from an old copy. *wince* fixed now. Again, apologies.
Re: A little rough around the edges
Date: 2014-06-11 08:45 pm (UTC)FACEPALM, too.
And darn, cause I was having fun thinking up terms for the Proctors. Frex, if they're older students, not graduating-- "Granny" or "Gramps".
Re: A little rough around the edges
Date: 2014-06-11 08:49 pm (UTC)Nah, I just forgot I'd moved my edits to another file <.< Of course, I had to go fill in the House Name - it had been up for auction, but nobody bought it!!
Edited to add: There are almost always typos. Even after I read it twice and have someone beta it. It's my curse. <.
no subject
Date: 2014-06-11 09:35 pm (UTC)•and made her escape. [...¶...¶...¶...] Her mother...
> When did she rejoin her parents, or they catch up with her?
•Engineer Dairnikkindo-Biem[1]
> The footnote links to
file:///C:/Users/mcolbeth/Downloads/Edally%20Academy.rtf#_ftn1, which of course doesn't work from the Web. Likewise for all the others.And none of the changes have propagated to LiveJournal. (And, bizarrely, the link from LJ back to this post is just the URL, without a link!)
no subject
Date: 2014-06-11 10:09 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2014-06-12 12:07 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2014-06-12 12:33 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2014-06-12 01:31 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2014-06-12 01:32 am (UTC)