You're... Welcome?

[aldersprig]

In response to inventrix's piece Thank You, & will make much more sense if you go there first. Cya/Leo, Doomsday era.

There were things Cya had always known, and never, ever thought about concretely enough to put into words.

There were other things she had put into words merely to stop thinking about them.

Thus: She might have said a thousand times, a hundred thousand times, that "I'm just around to keep you guys alive." She had said it, smiled affectionately and reminded Leo of this responsibility or that facet of reality, and moved on to the next task.

But never, never in decades of saying "I'm here to keep you alive," or "get back here before you get your stupid ass killed," or any of the other exasperated things she'd said, never had she thought Leo was listening, and never had she allowed herself to really think about the words.

To think about Leo not coming back.

To think about him going down a path she could not follow.

She caught a sob before it came out, but the second one was too quick. "I..." She didn't want to cry in front of Leo. She didn't do that, she didn't cry where anyone could see her.

She was crying. Still, she met his eyes. "I... I'll accept your thanks for that," she managed. He was watching her with worried eyes. She tried to pull herself together. "I -" She had known this man for almost her entire life, and she was flustered beyond belief. She sat down slowly. "Leo, you're welcome... but." But what? "But giving you a teaching job here..." She managed a smile. It was anemic, but she was smiling. Smiling was good. "You know I like having you around, right?" She flapped her hand, dismissing all the petty things they could say. "I like having you around. Giving you a teaching job - well, it just killed two birds with one stone."

It turned out kill was exactly the wrong word to say to herself right then. She choked on a sob, mortified, peeking up through her lashes at Leo like they were teenagers again.

Comments

[inventrix]

Of all the possible reactions Leo had imagined, Cya crying hadn't been one of them and he wasn't sure what to do about it. Then again, she wasn't exactly crying so much as trying really, really hard not to. Well, maybe he didn't know what to do when Cya was trying not to cry... but he had a more general kind of idea.

"I like being around." He answered her clearly forced smile with a crooked one of his own. It only took a couple steps to go around her desk, then he leaned down and gave her a firm hug. "It's okay," he said gently. "I'm not going anywhere."

[aldersprig]

It was... it was exactly what she'd needed to hear. Cya caught another sob as Leo hugged her. She leaned into his arms. Strong, she thought, with a bit of surprise. When had he gotten so strong?

Somewhere, deep in the back of her mind, she realized she'd always expected that he'd go away when he was sane, when he didn't need her anymore. She had the school, she had the city - she had people who needed her, peoples' lives to meddle in. She swallowed around another sob and smiled at Leo, brightly, not quite feeling it but getting there. "Good." Her voice was firm. She was good at the firm voice. "I'd hate to have to chase you down." She let herself smirk. "You'd be so hard to find."

[inventrix]

He chuckled and gave her a gentle squeeze. "If only you had some kind of special magic for finding things," he teased.

There were a lot of other things he could say; things he'd been considering saying. What had happened when Cya suddenly ran off to build a city. How having the school - the city, really - to protect was better, really, than wandering the country trying to protect towns of strangers. The reassurance that, now he was better, she didn't have to do that any more; being a grounding rod for her crazy crew mate.

But he didn't. Maybe he just didn't want to dump any other unexpectedly emotional bombs on her today. "I know you know this, but if there's ever anything I can do for you, just ask, okay?"

[aldersprig]

Cya considered this for a moment. She didn't, under normal circumstances, ask for much from her crew. Other people, yes, because she was always doing favors for other people, and thus they either owed her already or they would soon. But her crew...?

"I asked you for Maihallr," she answered quietly. She wondered if he knew how much that meant to her.

[inventrix]

"You did," he agreed. "And she's wonderful, though I don't know if that really counts... Besides," he said, his voice taking an amused turn, "that was years ago. Decades. You can ask for things more often than once every twenty years."

Leo wasn't sure if she didn't want to ask favors or just didn't have anything to ask for, but he'd gotten into the habit of assuming the former for people in general. The thought occurred to him that maybe if he reminded her more than once every quarter-century, she'd be more likely to say if there was something she wanted him to do. (He liked doing things for people he cared about, and he got hardly any opportunities.)

[aldersprig]

Cya caught her breath and swallowed her first answer. Then, with a wry smile, she decided she might as well start there. "I'm perfectly happy with a kid every thirty years or so," she teased. Mostly teased.

She made a vague hand gesture, indicating the world around them. "Leo, you teach in my school. You helped me put it together. You're _here_." Her hand went palm-down on the desk and she repeated herself. "/You're here./ I'm happy with what you've given me. It's... so much. Even not counting our beautiful children."

[inventrix]

"...I'm glad you're happy, and you're welcome." Leo couldn't quite manage to keep a note of disappointment out of his voice, but he tried to balance it with a smile and a gentle pat on her shoulder. "Though if we're not counting the kids..." He paused; he could count on one hand the number of times over their entire lives that Cya had asked him to do something, and two of them were father my child. Other than their children, he hadn't given her... well, anything at all.

Leo gave his head a small shake, dismissing the train of thought as pointless. "Never mind. Just keep it in mind, in case something comes up, okay?"

[aldersprig]

Cya chewed on her lip. "Leo... Leo, I don't think you get how important it is. In all my life, ever -- ever -- you've stuck around. Sure, I had to lock you in a cell once or twice--" She smiled crookedly, not because it wasn't true but because it was. "--but even after that, you're still here. That, that's worth," she swallowed. "It's worth more than I know how to express." She looked over his shoulder, fighting tears once again.

[inventrix]

There was a whole book's worth of things Leo could say to that, but he was never really good at saying the important things. (Like how much it meant to him to have a real home and family and a purpose in life.) And he didn't want to make her cry again. He reached out to ruffle her hair affectionately before catching himself - that's what he would do when his kids were sad, but it wasn't exactly how one reassures a grown woman.

"Of course I'm still here." He smiled cheerfully at her instead, teasing a little. "I don't want to get dragged back and stuck in jail again, do I? And you'd have to go find a substitute teacher."

[aldersprig]

"Oh, this is Doomsday." Teasing, she could handle teasing. She smiled at him, just as playfully, trying to hide all the roiling conflict inside her. She was Cya; she was the stable one. This was not stable. She finished the joke. "I'm sure the students would adapt to you teaching from a jail cell."

[inventrix]

Leo laughed ruefully and rubbed at his wrists. "Or shackled to the wall of the classroom. That'd start an interesting batch of rumors. Anyway, I'll let you get back to work." He tapped the corner of her desk for emphasis. "I have some tests to grade, too."

He'd said what he'd come over to say, and she wasn't crying anymore. Mission accomplished; everything else was incidental.

[aldersprig]

Cya smiled back, every bit as rueful. "You're a good teacher, Leo. I'm glad you agreed to it."

She looked down at her own pile of tests. "Let's get coffee. Even if I had to build a city to get coffee shops again. The tests will still be there when we're back."

[inventrix]

"Aha, so that's your real reason for building a city, is it?" Leo grinned. "Coffee sounds great."

(fin?)

[aldersprig]

(fin!)